March 2009 Issue: "A Stranger in Our Midst"

Regular readers of this e-zine have heard before about my father-in-law’s memorial service. As you know, the man – Dr. Ake Sandler by name – had a way of attracting peculiar situations into this life. Well, as we discovered on January 18th 2008, those situations followed him even after death.

Setting the Stage

This particular event took place in a tiny church in Westwood, California. When you entered the wooden front door, you stood in a miniature foyer. If the church had been built in more northern latitudes, the entry would have barely served to hold the coats and umbrellas so often necessary in colder climates.

After taking the two steps it took to navigate the width of the foyer, you entered a sanctuary that held 200 souls at best. It was a perfect setting for intimate worship. There was even something about it reminiscent of the churches I have seen in Ake’s beloved native Sweden – small in scale and yet elegant in its details.

The Players

Populating the room were an assortment of Ake’s countrymen – Swedish colleagues and friends most dressed in conservative black. Among them were former professors, business leaders, and a diplomat or two. There was even a famous Swedish pianist who awed the group as he worked his magic on the aged instrument that was jammed into an already crowded corner. Mixed into the mourners were several now-grown kids from the 1950’s neighborhood where Ake and his wife Jane ruled as “favorite parents on the block.”

And then there was one more person. Dressed, not in conservative black, but instead in something I vaguely remember as resembling a stained sweatshirt and baggy pants.

I first spotted her sitting in an aisle seat as I stood near the foyer greeting early arrivals. I didn’t know who she was, but, then again, I didn’t know a lot of Ake’s circle of friends, so there was nothing surprising about that. When I caught the woman’s eye, she shyly asked, “Is this a church service?”

I said no and explained that it was a private memorial service. Not to be deterred, she said that she had driven to work with her husband – a laborer working on one of the upscale houses nearby – and, rather than waiting in his truck while he worked, she had walked the neighborhood looking for a church. That’s when she stumbled on Ake’s service. “Could I stay?” she asked and of course I said yes – she’d be very welcome.

The Moment

Even though very few of the attendees were actually Quakers, the service was “Quaker-like” in that it consisted primarily of people standing up spontaneously and saying something about the deceased. After priming the ritual with prepared vignettes from family members, the initial reluctance to speak was overcome and folks started jumping up with a tale to tell about the deceased’s character or, more likely, some small adventure that they had shared in the course of Ake’s interesting life.

And then the stranger among us stood. I’ll admit that some of the more conventional in the group looked a bit taken aback as she boldly rose to her feet and began to speak. Fortunately, she didn’t seem to notice the reaction – or at least I hope she didn’t for what she had to say was deserved of a standing ovations, not disdain.

Her message was simple. She spoke of being a stranger to the group and how much she appreciated our allowing her to stay to participate in such an intimate event. She closed with, “I can hear the love you had for Ake – he must have been a very special man. God bless you all.”

A strange in our midst no more.

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